Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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