i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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