we're chasing vodka with high fives
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
