I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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