I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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