He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
