What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
