everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
