omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
