yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
