she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
