He is an equal opportunity slut.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize