the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
handjob tips. give me some.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
