Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
