I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
