I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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