yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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