Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
