We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
