Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
