Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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