dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
