You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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