I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
