the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
