I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
