There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
