i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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