so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
