i permit you to call me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
