can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
as a side note pls kill me
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