Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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