I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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