Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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