just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
