he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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