$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
