I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
