i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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