I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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