if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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