So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
