need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
