The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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