Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
