The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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