You made me cry and you don't even care
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
