I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
