this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
