you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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