mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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