Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
