Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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