I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
