I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
