just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
