I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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