I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
