You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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