there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
