I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
