I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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