theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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