nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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