Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
