If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
