one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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