you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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